?

Log in

No account? Create an account
Because The Voices Said So [entries|friends|calendar]
blackstarr82269

Stupid Girl
Don't Believe In Fear
Don't Believe In Pain
My Pictures!!!!!
Pink Is The New Blog
Jia Uncut.
I really think I am strange, yet entertaining in a perplexed and introverted kind of way. Thank you, come again.
Credit for all pictures and coding: phoenixdragon06
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

Shawty you the shit.. the shit...shawty you the shit... the shit..shawty is the shit... the shit... [
Aug 29th, 07 @ 5:26pm ]
[ mood | high ]

So... yeah I been MIA for like three months. Like, everything happened to me. Like... everything. So.. to make a long story short now me and Rhe live in Queens Village in the most adorable apartment. It's a two family house.. and.. the landlord is also my boyfriend. Not like, real boyfriend... but he and I spend a tremdous amount of time together. So... I still don't have a real job yet. But I did do some pretty fun shit lately. Been all to the beach and shit... Atlantic City for the weekend and won 375.61. I had some days so far. Now check my myspace, goodbye.

0 Push It I Thought You Were Special I Think I'm Paranoid

Baby then I'll see you... when I see you... [
Jun 3rd, 07 @ 12:08pm ]
[ mood | hot ]

Ya'll will neverguess what has happened to me during the course of a month. I almost got forced into a threesome, I got fired, my roommate got fired, I feel in love, my love offered to fuckmy friend for money, I lost an entire clothing size- biggest deal, and I finally signed up for the lj text message updating cause I don't have the internet at home... whew... So.. what's good with ya'll? The boy I like.. yeah, he's a big time... "construction" worker... but I no longer like him anymore. But I liked him a whole lot on Thursday. I'm still getting used to the feeling of not liking him. Ummm.... he said he will let me ride down to Ga with him to visit. So I'm waiting. OKKK... since I have the text messaging thing, I can update more. Okay? Goodbye.

P.S. Please people in NY start buying air conditioning.

2 Push It I Thought You Were Special I Think I'm Paranoid

I gotta make my money quick, but sometimes I wanna lay up with my honey dip... [
Jan 31st, 07 @ 12:32pm ]
[ mood | contemplative ]

Ya know.. I always thought that by the time I was 25 I'd have the man I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, I'd be finish with school, and that I would be on my way to having a family of my own. Well, I'll be 25 next year, and I still don't know my classification in school, I have a boyfriend(whom ya'll will hear about, unfort for you), but he already has a microwave family, and I don't plan on giving birth.. well... ever. So much for making plans for your life. Well, NY has been great so far. I got a job at a bank that will start next Monday, and I am excited about that. Nervous too. Ummm, Rhea hasn't been getting on my nerves since I spend the night at my friend Birdy's house every night.. I am actually there now. I have a boyfriend back in Atlanta named Bake... short for baking soda.. because he is a drug dealer. Yup. I'm putting all his shit on balst on the interwebz... fuck it. We been talking since before I moved here and he's really country and a little stupid but he is very sweet and he calls me a lot. He also has a child and a crazy baby mama and a crackhead for a mother. I sure know how to pick them. I like him, but I do not take this "relationship" seriously at all. I just like saying I have a boyfriend. It's kewl. Me and Rhea went to visit him over this past weekend, and I must say it was... eventful, to say the least. I wrote about it on myspace, check that one. The jury's still out on whether my boyfriend had sex with Rhea, sad but true. And I set up his best friend with my friend Taurean. They actually just had sex like 15 minutes ago, so yay for them. How about I grew up with everybody Bake knows but me and him never knew each other. So werid. I know all of his friends. And when I say grew up with, I mean 7 years old and up. Atlanta, well, East Point is too small. Anyway, I just felt like doing an entry because I never get online now that I've sold the sidekick and I don't have free interwebz at me and Rhea's house. But, whatev. I'm starving. I kinda miss my boyfriend, too. I just like calling him my boyfriend... it sounds... cute. Ummm... bye.

0 Push It I Thought You Were Special I Think I'm Paranoid

[
Jan 2nd, 07 @ 2:56am ]
[ mood | crazy ]

So these last few days have consisted of avoiding the piles and piles of clothes in the empty shoe box I call my room, eating greasy chinese and jamaican food, and looking at a mix of the wall, Rhea's boyfriend, and my feet all day. Now, tomorrow, since evrything will be open, I am going to fill out a few apps cause I desperately need a job, taking some shoes back, and avoiding my empty shoe box until Rhea goes to work. I have quite a few things to do tomorrow... somehow- it'll get done...

0 Push It I Thought You Were Special I Think I'm Paranoid

[
Dec 30th, 06 @ 7:35pm ]
[ mood | hungry ]

I'm here. First stop. McDonald's...

0 Push It I Thought You Were Special I Think I'm Paranoid

I don't fall in love with them.. cuming then I'm done with them... [
Dec 28th, 06 @ 1:02am ]
Person to sublet my apartment- check.
Successfully quite my jobs- check.
Got a little bit of money to get me going- check.
Got a new phone for my trip- check.
Packed my shit- ummm, not check. But it's all good because on Friday.. I'll be on my way to the NYC!!!!!!!!!!! I am so happy, shawty! Forever I love Atlanta, tho, forreal.. but bye! Yay! Ya'll pray for me... I'll let ya'll know how everything works out.
4 Push It I Thought You Were Special I Think I'm Paranoid

[
Nov 22nd, 06 @ 6:10pm ]
Well, I hope everyone has a good time eating and shit like that.. My mother has told me that I can not come to her house, so I'll be sitting home with nothing to eat because I budgeted my money up until today and I don't get paid till Friday. I'm gonna be brutally honest here... and I try to abstain from saying this out loud in fear of this feeling infiltrating my very existance... but I hate that woman. For decades now, I have relented in becoming cordial with that woman. I have tried... for the sake of my sister, then once she was diagnosed with Diabetes, then finally so that I could become a healthy adult... but I am over it. I truely wish nothign positive for her once my sister is out of that house- and when she is out of that house, I wish her many years in hell. I can no longer pretend as if her behavior is okay with me. It's not. And writing one journal entry about the horrible way she treats me every few months will never allow ya'll to realize the sheir hell she has put me through these 23 years I have been alive. From the time I was 4, all I can remember is wanting to be my mother's child and love yet getting nothing in return. When I was 14, I was fed up and that's when I began telling that bitter bitch about herself... well, I'm an adult now, and I love my sister more than I love myself, so I have refrained from beating the holy dog shit out of her because of her actions.. no more. Dude, if it means not seeing my sister, then so be it. Fuck her. I can't take her stupid ass and if she was on fire I'd borrow a cig so I could get a smoke in while the bitch burned. I'm out.
1 Push It I Thought You Were Special I Think I'm Paranoid

I go through obstacles like a whole box of condoms.. you can't forget where you come from... [
Nov 19th, 06 @ 1:02pm ]
[ mood | pissed off ]

Yo, this morning I woke up... wait.. did ya'll know I don't have a job? Yeah, okay, three weeks ago my job fired five black women from my job for no reason. No white people were fired. And no reasoning was given. Well, I was included in the five and I'm cool. Tryna see if I get unemployment, I'll know Tuesday... so I'm broke as all get out. Like broker than you'd ever believe right now. Anyway, so this morning, I wake up and decide that I will go with my mom and sister to see my sister play tennis. She has a private tennis coach. I really miss her and I'm just feeling really down lately. So I call my sister on her phone and tell her I'm coming and I figured she'd tell my mom cause I know she doesn't want me to come over. I have to work at my 2nd job at 4 anyway. So, I get dressed real quick and jump on the train... well, the fucker decides to stop and I know for sure I'm gonna miss my bus. I figured since I know my mother ain't finna come get me from the train station, I'll just ask her to come get me from the bus stop after she drops Ciarra off then we'll go back together. Alright, so I call my sister on her cell and she puts me on the phone with my mother. The first thing she says, "Stay home." I'm like damn quick draw! Shit... So I try to plead with her because I really miss my sister and, well, she's all I got. It kills me to be away from her all the time and everytime I see she is growner and shit. I hate it. So I'm like, "I'm already on the train, mom. I'm on my way." She's like, "Get off, turn around. And go home." Thank God I lost service cause I was fixing my mouth to say some shit that's been on my mind... like fuck you bitch. So... I just get of the train and come home. I got off a few stops after mine and walked home cause I need some excersize and plus I just needed to listen to my Ipod and calm down. I feel like she is waiting for my demise. I feel like my mothers only goal in her own life is to watch the downfall of mine. She's so hypocritical that I can no longer stand it. She'll say that my friend Alexi's mom is resentful of her... bitch, you're resentful of me! She'll say that her friend Ms. Dot says fucked up shit to her kid all the time... yo, wtf do you do to me? And have been since I was 5! Come the fuck on. Now she's trying to keep me away from my sister and is fucking her up by saying stupid ignorant ass shit to her. This shit is crazy. I am supposed to be moving to NY, but Rhea hasn't called me since last Sunday. I mean, what world do you live in? She is so jaded.. And I have to get my financial aid done.. but I am under 24 and I have to use my mother's tax info. She won't let me. Ummm... hello. What the fuck am I supposed to do? I can't sit out of school for another semester. I want to ask my father to do it, but last year this time I asked him to let me use his shit and he said he'd call me back... well, obviously that didn't work out too well. My mom has something that may have his social on it.. if it does, he's signing for a fucking loan. Fuck that shit. Fuck that deadbeat ass nigga, man. Ya'll don't understand how much all this shit fucks with me. I just want to have a normal ass existance. It's hard. I been keeping it together pretty well for a while now, but I feel like it's gonna start flooding back in like, 15 minutes. I am working on it, though. My only salvation is knowing in a matter of years I'll finally be done with this stupid ass degree and I can move on with my life. In regards to Atlanta, that is. Ya'll, I need a miracle. A mental miracle. Or drugs. Either or.

2 Push It I Thought You Were Special I Think I'm Paranoid

When I was 17.. I did what people told me... [
Oct 21st, 06 @ 1:04pm ]
[ mood | blah ]

So.. on myspace.. a grip of people I had cut off many a years ago have since contacted me. Very strange how myspace is.. So anyway, once again... I may be moving to Ny... again. Rhea has the apartment. I'm coming on the 26th to check it out and make sure everything's everything... and if it is.. on the 30th... I'm outtie. so.. hopefully.. life will do that right. I got fired yesterday, and this just solidifies the fact that I'm done with Atlanta.. I hate it! It's driving me crazy. The men suck, the jobs suck even worse, and I suck when I'm around suckies. It sucks. Hopefully Sky will move me without any problems. I pray that he will. Another thing.. I'm gonna have to smooth things over with my other job as well as my mother. I mean, she doesn't care either way, but I just want to let her know that she is also a deciding factor in my life. She hates me, and I don't understand her. It sucks. I'm praying for a change, and I think this is it. I put it in God's hands... okay, now... what have you guys been doing? Chilling? Eating? Fucking? Kewl! Oh, I have some other shit to tell ya'll, but I'm being really lazy, so I'll write it while I'm on the train.. I promise!

1 Push It I Thought You Were Special I Think I'm Paranoid

I yam who I yam... so fuck off.. bitch... [
Sep 25th, 06 @ 5:25pm ]
[ mood | melancholy ]

Hey there, my fellow kiddos. Whatcha doin? Well... I'm at work and the kids are sleeping and there's dead silence, so I thought I'd make a little entry. Yeah.. I have nothing to talk about even though I feel like ranting about being single. Its a disease. But I aint gonna write about that, I'm gonna write about my weekend.. I went to work. That's it. And this up coming weekend I'm gonna get my tat finally. It will be small. And it will be cute. And that's the end of that. My mother is against it, but fuck it. Ya only live once. And maybe it'll take some stress away. Who knows. I'm feeling good right now. I'm in a great place in life. I'm starting to like myself more and I may be getting outta that complacent shit. May be. Not I am. I carried a very cute bag today, btw. Micheal Kors. Anywho, I pray that with each passong day I will become more.. Content.. Happy even, with myself. I'm a cool person, but with the chips being stacked against you so much growing up, its hard to believe that shit. I like me. I rock. I'm gonna surf myspace now.. One!

0 Push It I Thought You Were Special I Think I'm Paranoid

Dear Beyonce, gigidy gigidy goo... kthxb. [
Sep 21st, 06 @ 2:18pm ]
[ mood | chipper ]

My ipod hates me. Anyway, I love Upgrade U by Beyonce'. And yes I added the ' because I'm not a disrespectful cunt. Ummm, this train hates me also. So slit my wrist and blind eyes.. I've been listening to Justin and Beyonce non fucking stop. What is happening here? Umm.. Yeah. I don't love Futuresex blah blah.. But I like it. Now the Beyonce', every song I've downloaded I love. Love love love. Yay Beyonce'. Yay wigger Justin Timberfake. Kewl! Best line in Upgrade U? "I can do for you what Martin did for the people"... lmao.. Bitch!

0 Push It I Thought You Were Special I Think I'm Paranoid

have you ever been low... have you ever had a friend that let you down so... [
Sep 15th, 06 @ 2:12pm ]
[ mood | peaceful ]

My sidekick was outta commission all week... my am I happy to have it back! Last night I went and got my nails did, cause my feet were sooo blah that I couldn't take it.. But, I have been working and shooting the shit. Ya know, the usual. Last weekend I went out Saturday day, Saturday night, and Sunday night. Smoked free weed, drank free dranks... had a blast! On Sunday I was with this girl I work with at the lingerie store. She is cool, but all the white people hate her. Let me explain a few things.. See, I'm the black girl that white people like because I'm bubbly, well skopen, a student, ambitious, and approachable. Corei, my co worker, she's not that girl. She's standoffish, quiet, reserved, and typically not all that happy. I'm only a threat to racist people, because I'm conscience... I'm the bitch that knows where she came from and where I'm going. So, anywho, the white folks don't care for her and I been knew that, but she solidified it by showing me her write up slips and shit they gave her. They didn't even tell her happy birthday and hers was two days before the managers, but we celebrated the managers. Ha. Everyone likes me, so I'm cool, but she pisses everyone else off. But... I'ma hang with her cause she bout her business. I like that. Alrighty, my finger hurt... holla!

0 Push It I Thought You Were Special I Think I'm Paranoid

There's only one way... to my galaxy.. put on your moonsuit.. don't seperate from me... [
Sep 6th, 06 @ 1:21am ]
[ mood | awake ]

I get to see my Travie in person!!!! That's right, Gym Class Heroes will be in New York on the same days I will!!! The only thing is that I have to wait until next week to buy the tix, but I'm praying! They'll also be all the way in butt fuck, Ga on the 17th of Nov. which I'll be going to, also! Ahhhhhh... Black ass, meet Travie... Travie, meet this sweet black ass.. thank you and goodnight. Whew!

3 Push It I Thought You Were Special I Think I'm Paranoid

when he want it he blindfolds me... then I get sexy on him.. get sexy on him... [
Sep 4th, 06 @ 4:42pm ]
[ mood | hungry ]

Ya'll know I bought Kelis the day it came out, I just now listened to it for the first time... that's a bad bitch, ya'll hear me? Anywho, Raheem called me talking some I love you shit the other day. I'm all whatever and then he asks to come over... of coarse I couldn't tell his ass no. Yesterday he came and took me to work and we had a nice talk. He was trying real hard to gas me up, forreal. He tells me he's in love with me and that he wants me to have his kids and blah blah bullshit. So when I get off work he calls me and tells me he is outside.. I was surprised! He came in, got me high... and put it down. So, I have a few things to say about this... I wanted to have some sex with someone... ya'll know I love that fool... and I had had a long talk with my big pimpin friend Bonnie for some tips on how to not become all Joanie loves Chachi, ya know. So after I had some of the greatest sex ever made, I went to sleep and was like, "hey thanx".. He didn't like that. So I woke up around 1, saw him putting the clothes on, said, "It's been real.." And turned back over. He turned me over a kissed me, told me he loved me, and made me get up for hugs and all that shit.. So I'm kinda good for the next 6 months on sex... and Raheem. He's sweet and everything, but I can't take too much of him at one time... thank God cause I thought I might have a relapse! All in all... good times... in the words of Kelis, which is totally random btw, "Hey you.. Aint ready ready for me.. Oh no.. CAUSE IMA HANDFUL!"

2 Push It I Thought You Were Special I Think I'm Paranoid

[
Sep 2nd, 06 @ 3:19pm ]
[ mood | contemplative ]

I got my Sane back. I went to get my tatoo, right? So we get there, I chicken shit out, Amber gets her nose peirced.. And we go eat pizza. So, we're sitting there, done with our pizza and I say, "Let's go get my Sane." So she's down and I'm like, cool. We walk the 1.5 mile journey to his house, I was in my new Jordans btw, and there we are standing right in front. So we're bickering because I'm afraid to knock on the door and Amber is all, "Hell to tha naw" to knocking on the door. He has like 15 dogs, so I'm like... he's gonna sick them on me! But then... I hear rap music. That lets me know he's at home. So I say fuck it and give Amber my purse. I knocked on the door twice before the door opens and out walks my YanSane Mathis. I just hugged him and hugged him, right? So he's drunk, of coarse, and I'm really happy because he obviously not mad anymore. So we sit outside and talk for an hour, then we go inside and shoot the shit watching videos for an hour. Then I'm like, "me and Amber have to go", so he asks if he can go with me and I'm like yup. Went back to my house and aint much happen, but whatev. Aint shit gon change between us, and he still has some growing up tp do... but I love my friend. He's a good guy and I missed him. We aint talk about nothiing, though... weird. I said, "Do we have some stuff to talk about?" and he says, "I love you". I was like cool. Whatev. Okay, I'm walking to work/hell, so I'll holla. One.

0 Push It I Thought You Were Special I Think I'm Paranoid

[
Sep 1st, 06 @ 2:15pm ]
Damn this shit is embarrassing.. But if I don't get this out once and for all... its only gonna get worse. Ya'll I can't stop thinking about Raheem. I dream about him, when I wake up I'm daydreaming about possibilities of us, and when try to stop it only gets stronger. But see, this shit has to stop. I can't take it anymore. He's just trying to make sure I'm still around... not cool. I love him so I'll always be nice to him, but he can't jump in and out of my shit so that when he's ready to be an honest man he knows that there's the perfect honest woman waiting around. Nigga please. I'm a bad bitch. I'm a boss. I'm what bitches wish to be when they grow up... and I'm only halfway in the fucking game. I can't help my feelings... and I promise he doesn't know any of this cause I play it like I don't give a fuck... but damn. He gets to me. I realized this morning that he has been in my mind for 5 years... consistantly. I doubt its the other way around. This is some bitch shit.. I ain't with that. I gotta stay on the grind. Okay... alright... I'm gonna watch Martha Stewart living, and get up and get my nails done, and go get a tatto(!), and ball tonight with my homeboy, Justin. I hate Raheem with the very passion that makes me wanna be with him forever. This icky love shit is disgusting.
2 Push It I Thought You Were Special I Think I'm Paranoid

Its gon be one of those mornings... [
Aug 31st, 06 @ 12:30pm ]
[ mood | don't ask ]

After a night of thinking about Raheem halfway alive, I woke up... against my will I'll have you know... so I get up early and go for breakfast. Get to the thingy place I like to eat and order my usual: eggs, cheese, turkey sausage on a crossiant. So I get it and unwillingly walk to the fucking train station. The humidity's killing my hair. And I'm tired cause I was high all night... anyway, I walk to the station and sit and get ready to devour my food cause... I'm hungry. Eggs, cheese, turkey sausage... knife. Jelly. Where the muthafuck is my crossaint? What the... so I'm pissed. I almost went back but I gotta go to work... ugh! The bitch saw me pick up a knife and jelly... what would I be doing with... you know what? Ima eat the food anyway. Regardless. But that shit just puts a damper on the day Raheem has claimed his own and ruined because he wants to fuck! Ugh!

Now.. Do you see how I get when that bastard ass nigga comes around? I'm all lethargic and confused. There's a cute boy literally staring at me right now, but I'm so out of it that I can't do anything for him. And he looks all of 18. No thanks. Oh, and tell your mom I said hi. Great. I gotta go... my SK is going dead and I need a fiber substitute...

0 Push It I Thought You Were Special I Think I'm Paranoid

Make me want you, make me miss you, make me wonder where you are... then forget you... [
Aug 30th, 06 @ 9:49pm ]
[ mood | confused ]

Raheem. Alexis's kryptonite. He does it to me everytime.. Why oh why does he do it? After three weeks of me trying so fucking hard to forget him... Then, while I'm at work focused on my babies... he calls. And leaves the most confusing message ever! He says that he misses me, blah blah, I wanna see you, blah blah, and blah. So I call and leave a message saying that I hate him and that he confuses me. And I try not to think about him for the rest of the day. I leave, and as soon as I get home I'm like, "I need drugs quick!" So I get something to smoke and call Amber back. I'm like, "Now, what to say?" Cause I knew I wanted to call him back, she tells me she doesn't give a flying fuck. So I promptly hung up with her and called him... he sounds adorable as usual, and he keeps asking me if he can come see me. My loins scream yes, but my mouth says, "Um, I dunno." So after 15 minutes of the most uneventful/innuendo- filled conversation ever, we hang up and I call my friend Amber to tell her what happened. She is upset because she knows this will be another four month long "thing". Dude, I just got over him the weekend of my birthday! Exactly one month ago! WTF?! Bastard! Why did he do this? Punk ass bitch.

0 Push It I Thought You Were Special I Think I'm Paranoid

Don't say my cars topless... say the titties is out... [
Aug 28th, 06 @ 2:41pm ]
[ mood | awake ]

Yo, I'm on my sidekick... again writing this entry. Looks like the only way I'll update. Yeah, I'm horny! Since April, bitch. I got a friend who its been since the birth of Baby Jesus, never that. Negative. I'm finna take the next nigga I see with some clean jeans and sparsely clean facial hair. Its getting kinda hectic. My draws are also hanging outta my pants as I walk... they're clean... this time. Ugh, I am tired of complaining about being single and horny! I've just never been this single this long... whew. Let me get in this job... but I get some pleasure- I'm wearing my Gym Class Heroes monkey shirt... fo' tha kidz... Out!

2 Push It I Thought You Were Special I Think I'm Paranoid

Gotta- take a risk.. make a change... blahblahblah... [
Aug 25th, 06 @ 3:26pm ]
[ mood | bitchy ]

I'm in a pretty shitty mood right now... hence I'm actually writing this from my sidekick. Shits not really looking up for the kid. Nothing specific, just I hate life and all its spoils. I'm bitching at Amber for no apparent reason, and I just wanna... breakaway. Hopefully "Walkaway" will cheer me up... uh nope. Oh well, so much for that shit. Okay, so I wanna do something nice with my apartment and I'm not quite sure what. I want furniture, lol, yes I have no furniture in my living room yet I have an extensive collection of handbags, don't judge my lifestyle. Anyway, I'm at wendys, gotta go.

0 Push It I Thought You Were Special I Think I'm Paranoid

navigation
[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]