|| pissed off
Yo, this morning I woke up... wait.. did ya'll know I don't have a job? Yeah, okay, three weeks ago my job fired five black women from my job for no reason. No white people were fired. And no reasoning was given. Well, I was included in the five and I'm cool. Tryna see if I get unemployment, I'll know Tuesday... so I'm broke as all get out. Like broker than you'd ever believe right now. Anyway, so this morning, I wake up and decide that I will go with my mom and sister to see my sister play tennis. She has a private tennis coach. I really miss her and I'm just feeling really down lately. So I call my sister on her phone and tell her I'm coming and I figured she'd tell my mom cause I know she doesn't want me to come over. I have to work at my 2nd job at 4 anyway. So, I get dressed real quick and jump on the train... well, the fucker decides to stop and I know for sure I'm gonna miss my bus. I figured since I know my mother ain't finna come get me from the train station, I'll just ask her to come get me from the bus stop after she drops Ciarra off then we'll go back together. Alright, so I call my sister on her cell and she puts me on the phone with my mother. The first thing she says, "Stay home." I'm like damn quick draw! Shit... So I try to plead with her because I really miss my sister and, well, she's all I got. It kills me to be away from her all the time and everytime I see she is growner and shit. I hate it. So I'm like, "I'm already on the train, mom. I'm on my way." She's like, "Get off, turn around. And go home." Thank God I lost service cause I was fixing my mouth to say some shit that's been on my mind... like fuck you bitch. So... I just get of the train and come home. I got off a few stops after mine and walked home cause I need some excersize and plus I just needed to listen to my Ipod and calm down. I feel like she is waiting for my demise. I feel like my mothers only goal in her own life is to watch the downfall of mine. She's so hypocritical that I can no longer stand it. She'll say that my friend Alexi's mom is resentful of her... bitch, you're resentful of me! She'll say that her friend Ms. Dot says fucked up shit to her kid all the time... yo, wtf do you do to me? And have been since I was 5! Come the fuck on. Now she's trying to keep me away from my sister and is fucking her up by saying stupid ignorant ass shit to her. This shit is crazy. I am supposed to be moving to NY, but Rhea hasn't called me since last Sunday. I mean, what world do you live in? She is so jaded.. And I have to get my financial aid done.. but I am under 24 and I have to use my mother's tax info. She won't let me. Ummm... hello. What the fuck am I supposed to do? I can't sit out of school for another semester. I want to ask my father to do it, but last year this time I asked him to let me use his shit and he said he'd call me back... well, obviously that didn't work out too well. My mom has something that may have his social on it.. if it does, he's signing for a fucking loan. Fuck that shit. Fuck that deadbeat ass nigga, man. Ya'll don't understand how much all this shit fucks with me. I just want to have a normal ass existance. It's hard. I been keeping it together pretty well for a while now, but I feel like it's gonna start flooding back in like, 15 minutes. I am working on it, though. My only salvation is knowing in a matter of years I'll finally be done with this stupid ass degree and I can move on with my life. In regards to Atlanta, that is. Ya'll, I need a miracle. A mental miracle. Or drugs. Either or.